Wednesday, April 26, 2006

For those who keep asking...

Dosti ka ik samandar
Anginnat saahil wafa ke
Apney seenay mein chupaaye
Jaane kab se bah raha tha...
Dafaatan ik mauj ubhri
moti-on ki shakal mein
dhalte huay alfaaz, jumlay,
khud baakhud dil se uthay
lab tak gaye
Dil kaa har ik bojh lafzon ne uthaya
Fikr ka har lamha aik jumlay se takraya...
Bikhar ke kho gaya
Ghum ka raiza raiza...
Kuch baaton ki ro mein, bah gaya.

-Sung by Nayyara Noor


-And that is why things can't get complicated.
-And that is why I evade.
-And that is why I can't.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Anon

During the days when Ayesha and I were addicted to "Buffy the Slayer", and Baba started calling us "chamchi-s" of Buffy, I remember there was one episode which was shot as a musical. Buffy's back from the dead, can't deal with the new life in her, yada yada. Ayesha thought it was ridiculous, I thought it was brilliant. Naturally.
There is a song in that musical that Buffy sings, and I found it yesterday on somebody's itunes. It's stuck in my head and I can't get it out.


I touch the fire and it freezes me.
I look into it and it's black.
Why can't I feel?
My skin should crack and peel!
I want the fire back!

Now through the smoke she calls to me,
To make my way across the flame.
To save the day, or maybe melt away.
I guess it's all the same!
So I will walk through the fire,
'Cause where else can I turn?
(And) I will walk through the fire, and let it
The torch I bear is scorchin' me,
Buffy's laughin' I've no doubt
I hope she fries, I'm free if that bitch dies!
I'd better help her out.
'Cause she is drawn to the fire,

Some people never learn
She will never learn,
And she will walk through the fire and let it
burn....
let it burn....
let it burn....
let it burn.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Witchcraft

They will judge me.
Each and everyone of them.
And I will stand judged.

The verdict, I feel, will not favour me.
But then again, what favours me, cannot be judged.

More.More.More.
Judge me. Judge me. Judge me.
I like watching you writhe.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

A Stone in Music

Stones tightly carved in music,
Cannot break free
And be free from freedom.

Like her coat on the chair,
And the earring on the floor.
And the broken night on a tear untold.

Free her.
Save her from herself.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Salt

Salt-water stories of the monsoon,
That sometimes break off and sometimes trail away leaving dark, reddish-brown smudges of wet earth like half-moons of soft skin, almost-falling beneath the irises.
And cork screw snails. With painted lips and curly eye lashes. That we drew on the mailbox.
Earth worm families, earthworm baba, and earth worm mama, and earth worm you and earthworm me. Happily unaware of our earthworm-y existance. In a red mailbox.

Nana abu used to call us in after a while, and when we didn't comply, he would complain to mama about us later. I liked running in after some thirty minutes in the rain and eating wet kish-mish off the palm of his hand. He would wash it for us, carefully and meticulously. I loved going into the kitchen, all wet and dripping from the rain, my kiddie shorts and Tom-n-Jerry T-shirt making cartoon-shaped wet patches on the floor.
I liked watching myself in the water.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The woman with her hand in the bag of salt, squeezes her fist tightly, clenching and unclenching the tiny thoughts whizzing in her head. Thin, precisely-cut ribbons of sunlight slice through the pale green blinds on her window, and leftover coffee dries in a cup on a white table.
She's been standing and looking at the other woman for a long time now. This other woman sometimes laughs, sometimes mocks and sometimes does nothing. The woman-with-her-fist-in-salt, sometimes has an irritatingly manic desire to be this other woman.
To be a face alone.

The wind chime suddenely picks up the sound of moving air, and she hears the front door open.
Five minutes.
She carefully removes her hand from the bag of salt. She considers licking off the last few pesky
bits of salt from her fingers but decided against it in favour of non-stick touching qualities. Touching and non-sticking. They all like to be touched. No sticking, though.

She takes one last, hesitant look at the other woman, uncertain and a little lost. And distracted.
The other woman blinks at her. And suddenely smiles.

She turns the mirror over.

Old habits dies hard. Mirrors. Cartoon-shaped patches of water. Mirrors. Water. Mirrors. Water.
And smoke. Lots of it.